The following were taken from actual ‘Classified Ads’ in various newspapers:
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
FREE PUPPIES...
PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE
89 cents
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA
FREE CHOPSTICKS with every order.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE
BETTER BE A REWARD.
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
FREE: FARM KITTENS.
READY TO EAT.
AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED
$100
NOTICE:
TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE:
PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED.
PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.
ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE CONFIRMED DEAD.
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS and BOX SPRINGS - $175.
KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 per box
FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
Jun 5, 2009
Joke: Choices In Hell
A man died and went to straight down to hell.
The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place.
He told the man that there where three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe.
He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room.
So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured.
It looked so painful the man could not watch.
He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing.
The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat.
He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice.
After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Back on your heads!"
The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place.
He told the man that there where three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe.
He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room.
So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured.
It looked so painful the man could not watch.
He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing.
The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat.
He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice.
After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Back on your heads!"
Jun 4, 2009
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